I found this list last year; it was actually developed by David Gretsch, Mobilization & Development, Ft. Hood MWR. I had passed it on to several wives who were going thru their first deployment. My intention was to give them some ideas on preparing for the homecoming and what they might expect from their spouse.
At the end of this list, there is a link to a document, also written by David Gretsch, in which you will find many books listed, with a good description of what they cover. There is a very large range of topics. I suggest you look at that also.
Tips for Military Spouses
1. Do something special to welcome your spouse home-help the children make a welcome banner, make your spouse's favorite dessert, etc., but be understanding and flexible if your spouse is too tired to notice.
2. Give your spouse time to adjust to being home. Don't tightly schedule activities for them. Don't expect them to take on all their old chores right away. Understand that your spouse may need time to adjust to a different time zone, a change in food, etc.
3. Plan on some family togetherness time. Suggest a picnic or a special family meal. Time together helps the returning spouse to get back into the rhythm of family life.
4. Be patient and tolerant with your spouse. He or she may not do things exactly as before. New experiences during deployment may bring changes to attitude and outlook.
5. Stick to your household budget. Don't spend money you don't have on celebrating your spouse's return. Show you care through your time and effort.
6. Don't be surprised if your spouse is a little hurt by how well you were able to run the household and manage the children without them. Let them know that your preference is to share family and household responsibilities with them no matter how well you did on your own.
7. Stay involved with your children's school activities and interests. Don't neglect the children's need for attention as you are becoming reacquainted with your spouse.
8. Stay involved in your own activities and interests, but be flexible about making time for your spouse.
9. Don't be surprised if children test the limits of the family rules when your spouse returns. It's normal for children to want to find out how things may have changed by acting up a bit. Consistent enforcement of family rules and even-handed discipline are key to dealing with acting out.
Remember:
Go slowly - don't try to make up for lost time
Accept that your partner may be different
Intimate relationships may be awkward at first
Take time to get reacquainted
Forget your fantasies
Reassure your children
Seek help for family members if needed
(Developed by David Gretsch, Mobilization & Development, Ft. Hood MWR)
Deployment Checklist
General
Attend mobilization meetings and take notes
Know the exact name of unit
Know the names and ranks of chain of command
Have a copy of your service member's orders
Know service member's travel itinerary
Know service member's full name, social security number, and complete military address
Have emergency plans in place
Your Finances
Plan ahead
Discuss what and when bills are due, where receipts are kept, etc.
Have enough saved
Create family budget
Around the House
Extra set of car keys
List of repair persons to call
Location of utility (water/electricity/gas) shut off valves
Know your neighbors
Family Matters
Child care plan
Elder care plan
Emergency plan for pets
Legal Affairs
Have Will
Have Power of Attorney
Have Military I.D.
Communications
Pre-addressed, stamped post cards, pens
Seek counseling if necessary
Red Cross
Know how to contact your local American Red Cross
Know name of local Red Cross
Know address of local Red Cross
Know telephone numbers
Duty hours
After-duty hours
Tips for Returning Military Members
1. Plan on spending some time with the entire family doing family things, but be flexible if teens have other plans.
2. Show interest and pleasure in how your family members have grown and mastered new skills in your absence and let them know you are proud of them. Comment on positive changes.
3. Expect it will take a little time to become reacquainted with your spouse. Be sure to tell them just how much you care about them.
4. Resist the temptation to criticize. Remember that your spouse has been doing his or her best to run the household single-handedly and care for the children while you were gone.
5. Take time to understand how your family may have changed during the separation. Go easy on child discipline-get to know what new rules your spouse may have set before you jump into enforcing the household rules.
6. Don't be surprised if some family members are a bit resentful of your deployment. Others often think of the deployment as more fun and exciting than staying at home-even if you know otherwise.
7. Infants and small children may be shy or even fearful around you at first. Be patient and give them time to become reacquainted.
8. Resist the temptation to go on a spending spree to celebrate your return. The extra money saved during deployment may be needed later for unexpected household expenses.
9. Most importantly, make time to talk with your loved ones. Your spouse and each child need individual time and attention from you. Remember, focus on the positives and avoid criticism.
Communication will help to:
1. Reestablish intimate and sexual relations
2. Bring you closer together
3. Accept change
Remember:
1. Go slowly - don't try to make up for lost time
2. Spend quality time with each child
3. Accept that your partner may be different
4. Intimate relationships may be awkward at first
5. Take time to get reacquainted
6. Forget your fantasies
(Developed by David Gretsch, Mobilization & Development, Ft. Hood MWR)
David Gretsch has developed a Prosperity Plan Resource Guide, with Marriage and Family Reading References.Keep in mind that the phone numbers listed in here are from Ft. Hood.
Copyright 2008 MsMarti. All rights reserved.
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